Going to a Settn’ Up

Last Saturday I traveled back to the hills of Western North Carolina to bury my mother; back near the place of her birth in Yancey County. She is buried beside my dad and he beside my mom’s dad, Grandpa Fox, whom we affectionately called “Papa”.

Funerals and the surrounding events have changed over the years. It was customary in the early years to have the deceased body in the home for a day or two before the funeral and burial. As a 22 year old insurance salesman I was shocked when I was invited into a home to find a casket with a body in view in the living room. No one seemed affected by it but me. It was business as usual except for a casual “Aunt Mary passed a few days ago” or something similar.

One of the customs that has seemingly also died over time is the “Settn’ Up”. In about 1968 a neighbor’s son passed away and one of my in-laws asked me the next day “Are you goin’ to the settin’ up?” up at Joe’s house? Although I had heard of the rite familiar to earlier generations of mountain folks I had never had the pleasure. I asked a few questions and eagerly agreed that I would. I am so glad I did.

I along with several friends, family, and neighbors arrived just after “supper time”. As night approached folks started to leave and finally by about 9:00 p.m. there was the dead boy’s father, a brother, me, my brother-in-law, and perhaps two or three others. Into the night there were words of consolation, prayers for the grieving family, and then memories were shared about the deceased. There were stories of his youthful achievements, funny family stories, and then as the night turned to early morning, the tone changed to absolute hysterical laughter for a few hours.

I don’t ever remember laughing for so long as one after another would share a funny story, a joke on a friend, something a neighbor had done, etc. You would never have guessed the host’s son had committed suicide the day before. By today’s standards it seems like strange behaviour but I sensed something very loving and therapeutic was taking place. I believe the commitment of those folks who had come to “Set up all night” combined with the tears, prayers, and humor helped to get the family well on the road of grief we all must travel.

That was my only “Settin’ Up” but I’d do it again. I think it was a good thing.

Royce